About you and for you

  

 I was 16 I think when I first read some article on the internet about a hippie community in Andalucia but it was called “Remedio” and I said to myself  that someday I’ll pack my things and go there without looking back.and so the years went by without even thinking that the article wasn’t fiction at all.After I finished high school I moved to the capital to study History of Art.I’ve always disliked the city in every single way and always used to say that Ï will never…like NEVER move to Bucharest.But you know how life is right?the first lesson that I’ve learned while staying in Beneficio was to “never make plans”.But the funny think is that my decision of moving to this awful city eventually brought me to you without even trying to get here.because one of our friends that I met in Bucharest on my first year told us about a community which he visits every year since 2004 or so…and asked us if we want to come.i knew almost nothing about the “rainbow movement”  but always dreamt to start my own community on the same principles:))but it’s kind of impossible to be original nowadays when everything seems to have been already said or done right?anyways I said “yes” without dreamin’ to much and bought a plane ticket with 3 month in advance.

And now I’m already back “home”,back to the “real things” like Axel :X said one night with an ironic funny smile on his face. It’s been 2 days now and all I’ve done was to listen to some music that reminds me of the Big Lodge and look at the pictures that I took.20/24 on the internet.again the misfit,locked inside of her white walls room,living a sad cyber life.but thinking of you makes me smile and have trust in the new possibilities,the alternative society…the alternative I never dreamt to have.and it all begins with the word “gracias”..por la comida you’ll think automatically right?:)) but it’s “gracias por todo”.thank you for being there…thank you for your smiles,for the music,for your beautiful minds,thank you for being the way you are and for making me more positive,trustful,loving and of course..sociable:)it’s not like after two months I already consider myself a rainbow person,or being part of the giant family and call you sisters and brothers and spread love,peace and harmony in the world.and that’s because of my skepticism and some of the remains of my pessimistic thinking and disgust regarding politics,society and modern values which is way stronger for me I believe,because I  still live in the middle of it you know?It’s not an easy think to do...To live in Bucharest,to face the Real World,full of brain washed people,pollution,garbage,fast foods,fast living,running running all day long..waiting the tube,staying in line,becoming a number.And because of the fact that I still believe that it’s not that easy.it’s not enough to have a Disney-ish attitude and sing songs about peace and love, because we live in a ****** up world that won’t be changed in million years only by giving examples of a simple,natural and joyful living.For example I can smoke a joint in front of my mother but she’ll never accept the idea of living in tents and not having a bathtub,hot water,electricity and so on.She’s actually fascinated with your story,but in a way I’m sure that she considers you and me the messed up ones,not her and her relatives,friends etc.Many open minded people are only open as in tolerating,understanding and maybe admire the courage of leaving Babylon  but not accepting this way of living as an alternative for them as well.

So not the Giant Family yet,but a Feast of Friends for sure.

The important think is that I didn’t come in search of the Lost Paradise because I already knew that the Golden Age,the youth of humanity passed a looong time ago and the childish pure thinking it’s only an imposibble think to realize in this mad reality.I was expecting to see violence,to hear you fight from all kinds of stupid reasons,to see hypocrisy,to hear lies and mumbo jumbo talk…I was prepared for anything that could ruin my hope because I didn’t want to be too disapointed.Instead I met you…ok..you fight like anyone else..from stupid reasons as well :)…there is  some violence too,because you can’t get the animal out of the animal:),lies..why not?hypocrisy..unfortunately yes.mumbo jumbo talk?(there is no such think as a free mumbo jumbo zone because not everything that you might listen to it’s useful to you as well…and we don’t think alike and the possibility to consider a discution meaningles it’s very high so yes...i was expecting all this but i never thought that it will be in such low quantities.

In Beneficio i had the chance to meet the most interesting human beings.It was a delight to stay near you and wonder how can you people talk on so many  interesting topics and actually have something smart to say.It was a pleasure to drink my coffee in the morning while playing chess with my dearly beloved Zsolt or watch Delphy enjoying the fire like no one else..It was a miracle to see you smile every single day.And it was an excitement to hear you play every night in the big lodge at so many instruments and make such a beautiful music.I didn’t find perfection...and didn’t look for it.But I found an equilibrium between the apollinic and the dionysiac.I found people that don’t think only in terms of black and white,good and bad,god and satan.i found myself in the middle of the spiral,dazed and confused,spinning and spinning without having a clue on when i’m going to put my feet on earth again.I didn’t come for answers because I’m the only one that can give the answers to my own questions.I came for guidance I think.I came because i was lost and frightened and i needed you more than ever.I didn’t used to believe in destiny but now I know that there was a reason for all this.there is always a reason...strange,supranatural,extraordinary...one year ago all the things that i couldn’t explain in a scientific way where put in a ”drawer” and tagged „”things that i can’t explain myself but i’m sure that there is someone smart enough to do a math ecuation and get the right answer”:D.but out of the blue I become conscious of the two biggest unsolved mysteries.the Universe and the human mind-micro/macro,and eventualy understood that every single answer lies within me and within you.I’m the Universe,you are the Universe.I’m the other you as you are the other me.So i didn’t find just a bunch of hippies...i found myself.Healing?Yes..i do think so.Understanding what the hack is happening?no..not yet.can you blame me?:)

But in other words..I can say (while hearing in my head Marco’s voice and notes :))that now I can ”FIND MY JOY IN THE SIMPLE THINGS COMING  FROM THE EARTH”.

I salute you and wish you what i wish for myself:) peace of mind

Chill-um connexion??anyone?:((

i'm here god damn it!i need it :)